Boxcar Willie.

Okay, quick backplot on Boxcar because I know this will be coming up again.

Here's an excerpt from my e-mail to James of how we met:

Flashback a couple of months to the first Out with A.C.T. event for the performance of “The Overcoat.” During intermission and in the drunken aftermess, I met Boxcar. Boxcar moved to San Francisco from Seattle in the past year or so and is some sort of architectural big shot for Starbucks. Slightly older, barrel-chested, furry, and nice if not a little shy (grading on a curve here, I was with Kevin). I think I gave him my card. As I am want to do as I made them to be conversation pieces. Kevin and I then proceeded to drink lots of free wine, go out on the town, and get laid.

I saw Boxcar again at Folsom, where we made out and basically fondled each other on the street. He called me the night of the next Out with A.C.T. to find out if we would see each other later that night. Which we did. And we flirted a bit casually but nothing particular. Again, Kevin and I played hearty in the Castro. That’s the night I ended up with the 20-something power bottom and did the walk of shame the next day.

So, a few weeks ago, Kevin and I were talking about Boxcar while we were cleaning out the apartment of his recently deceased brother. I called Boxcar and left a message, and then we played phone tag for about 10 days. I tell you all this in the way of backplot for last Wednesday.

I talked to Boxcar before my meeting to touch base and see if he would be around for the weekend and what he might be interested in doing. He was driving up to Calistoga with his mother to his brother’s place on Thanksgiving morning, but was eager for a happy hour that night. RMJ, Barney and I had plans to meet at the Bar on Castro (T-BOC) six-ish and I invited him to join us.

As usual I was late but called RMJ and Boxcar to let them know. Boxcar had not yet met Barney or RMJ. Boxcar started drinking 5/6ish and was with co-workers at the Edge. When I got to the BOC, it was nearly empty, and certainly void of RMJ or Barney. I went out to the sidewalk to get cell service and call RMJ (Barney has no mobile). Boxcar walked up and kissed me hello. This was not so much an "hello" kiss, but the sort of kiss that makes ears flush and chills run down my sides. More like a "should we just forget the drinks and go fuck now because clearly that’s where this is headed." We went to the Midnight Sun/Midnight Slum b/c it is his favorite bar (I didn’t know anyone went there anymore). With my first drink there was lots of flattery from Boxcar and many efforts at "subtle molesting" (his words). RMJ and Barney appeared for a drink, and in time to witness Boxcar basically taking off my shirt (revealing the oh-so-chic v-neck t-shirt underneath). Then there was the making out. Keep in mind I had had one drink and just started my second. I had never been happier to be in the Midnight Slum because I didn’t know anyone in there. RMJ and Barn thought this was hilarious and made a their exit. Boxcar and I went to his place.

It was a warm, clear night and he has floor-to-ceiling views of the Castro and the City. I was amused being both the object of affection and at times aggressor. We had sex on the balcony which was v. cool, and made him nervous of watchful neighbors. We took the game inside and played around some more. And then took the game to the bedroom (aside, largest bed I've ever seen. About the size of my apartment. And comfy.).  I remember laughing to myself at the fact I had been out for drink(s), hooked up, had sex, and was going to bed, and it was just about 8:00. On the plus side, Boxcar is extremely comfortable to sleep with, a hot cuddler, and a hot playmate. But I was also detached enough to be taking it slow and not making more of it than it necessarily was.

The morning after was not awkward, but comfortable. Except that he is a morning person and I am so not. After a light breakfast, I left him to finish cooking his soup and preparing to take his mom to Calistoga. I went home and went back to sleep before going to Jeff and Bill's for Thanksgiving dinner.

Flash forward.

Boxcar joined me, Kevin, RMJ, Barney, and Douglas for Rent the Friday after Thanksgiving. A fun night, and revealing. Boxcar revealed in the car that his partner of 14 years had died of AIDS, about 20 months ago. Okay, that is two pieces of information which would have been handy to have.

We went to Pilsner later, but Boxcar was ready to go to bed soon. Even though he is only 42 (or was it 45), he refers to us as "the youngin's," "the kids" or "the boys." I offered to drive him home, and then I came inside, and of course we fooled around. I tried to start the HIV status conversation several times but it never got anywhere. Afterwards I took a shower and as he was getting ready for sleep and as it was still quite early, I left and met the boys again at the Powerhouse. I will say it did loads (no pun intended) for my self-esteem to arrive as a rockstar. Sex and a shower and back out again. (For a basic prude like me, that's something.)

The next week or two later, I was invited to see Autie Mame at the Castro theater (Wednesday 12/14) with a work friend and his husband. Such an opportunity is not to be missed. I invited Boxcar to go with us, and as in Rent, he was all over me during the movie.

I will at this point say he does know how to push my buttons. Woof. But c'mon, there are times that it gets to be inappropriate. (I fear the anonymous reader may find that ironic or hard to believe.) However, earlier in the week I had cut my cheek on a chip which resulted in a huge canker sore. Suspicious of his HIV status, I had no intentions of unsafe play later. I explained to him (and this was a weeknight after all) that I was enjoying his company I wasn't planning to come upstairs. He didn't really take no for an answer and was quite... persuasive in the car (who knew in my tiny Saturn two full-sized people can fit in the front seat?)

I finally had to tell him why I didn't want to fool around and forced the whole HIV status conversation. I'm negative and he's positive. I made it clear that I was still perfectly happy dating him and sleeping together, but I am also very careful and very safe and that there will be times that I cannot do things.

He did not take that well. He made it clear that he wasn't interested in dating me at all and just likes having lots of sex. That stance was later softened to not wanting to date anyone and not just me in particular, which as a widower I totally get. But he made it clear he is not interested in a boyfriend, just screwing around, and sort of stormed off and never looked back. The entire experience threw me for a loop and I met Kevin, Rey, and Lance at Martuni's for a debrief and consolation.

Awkward as that was, I had already invited him to be my date to a party last night (12/16). Long story with a short ending: Everything seems to be fine. No hard feelings. He is still charming and amiable and fits in nicely with the crowd. He will be a good friend to have around, and his continued flirting with me does, after all, make me feel pretty.