Overheard backlog

I've had bits of paper with notes scrawled on them accumulating in my pockets. Always listening for that unusual turn of phrase, here are some strange overheards I've been meaning to share.

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Older nurse on hooking up with men who might have an STD: “That’s what the lemon juice is for. Back in my day, you squeezed a lemon in your hand then grabbed their dangle. If they screamed they had an open sore and you wouldn’t f*ck them.”

I’m thinking if you did that and they screamed you wouldn’t have trouble telling them they weren’t getting any. They’d be running away in pain anyway.

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From a hair stylist in the bar, sporting yet another crazy but attractive new look: “I’m a fashion stylist. I’m not going to wear the same hair twice.”

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For the Department of Phrases You Rarely Hear-
In a bar in Tennessee, on the topic of parents, particularly southern parents, and dealing with grown children’s homosexuality and relationships: “Luckily, I don’t have to deal with any of that. Thank God my parents are dead.”

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Also in a bar in Tennessee: “There was something wrong with the cooling system and it was going to cost a fortune to fix. She looked at it and took care of it in five minutes. Man, you’ve got to love a tranny who knows cars.”

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Found scribbled on a cocktail napkin from months ago:
“We’re going to Minnesota for the summer. We’re thinking of having some sort of stripper or naked waiters party. Can you imagine a hustler with all his teeth for only $100? That place is a bargain.”