As February fades

so do I, just a bit.

It has been a cold and wet weekend, with rain forecast for the rest of the week. It has been a weekend of the blahs and a bit of the bummed. Yesterday evening I enjoyed a fabulous birthday at the Top of the Mark, but also felt a bit isolated as I appeared to be the only gay, single, or childless (child-free) person there. And seemingly the only person who had not achieved an elevated plateau of professional and financial success. I did the major life re-evaluation and life change thing a few years ago, and I am not quite prepared to do it again. As much happiness as I am able to milk out of life, I still long for that rewarding career-- rewarding financially and emotionally. I feel both blessed and cursed that I can do pretty much anything, and do it very well. I have filled whatever container I have been poured into, but have not found the magic vessel from which I may eternally spring.

Every year I decide that the Academy of Friends function is just a bit too tacky for my patience and not worth the donation, but I end up attending more often than not. This year I stood firm and opted out. I was invited to a private Oscar party and had intended to go after the event at the Top of the Mark, but I needed a dose of happy so I headed to Sundance Saloon.

The crowd was meager but welcoming. The music was very good. But there was little surcease of sorrow as I learned that this week one friend's father died suddenly in a fiery car accident, and another seroconverted.

There is only so much solace in a waltz, but you can hold the ones you care about and give them all you can, if only for the three and a half minutes you have them in your arms.