Cleanliness can be next to sleasyness

At least chronologically.

Variety is the spice of life. I love that my friends have diverse interests. I have a Bohemian who also dabbles in “international affairs.” A biochemist who can take in a costume on a moment’s notice.

And of course they all look to me as Mr. Answer Man. Trivia and library geek that I am.

One recent question, called from a bar in the middle of the night: “Where does toe-headed come from?”
“Actually, it’s towheaded. Tow is the silky flax on an ear of corn. It is long and fine like human hair, and so pale blond it is almost white. So someone with hair like tow is tow-headed.”

What always amazes me is not the random nature of these queries, but that I never ask why they need to know these odd, random things.

And then there is this. A text message to my phone:

“Okay Mr. Library Man. Here’s a question you probably haven’t had: How do you clean a sling? You can't know everything. But I am sure you can find some sort of S&M Martha Stewart show that I missed.”

Well, actually, I had at hand and old copy of Barty Phillips’ How to Clean Absolutely Everything, although I was fairly certain that “sex sling” would not appear in the index. However, reference people know nothing if not the importance of synonyms in the absence of a controlled vocabulary.

From Page 126
Cleaning furniture and upholstery/Special cases/Leather

• Clean dirt areas with saddle soap, using as little water as possible. When dry, buff up with a soft cloth.
• Rub dark leather every six months or so with castor oil or neat’s foot oil to prevent the leather from cracking. Clean the leather first. Apply a small amount of oil with a cottonball [sic] or a piece of cotton wool or the fingertips. Rub it in well and take off any surplus.
• Rub pale leather with petroleum jelly. [also works for boyfriends]
• Don’t wax leather furniture as it won’t absorb the wax. You can use a little shoe cream instead if you wish, but make sure you rub it in well and polish off any excess so that it doesn’t get transferred to your clothes. [or skin]
• Sometimes hide begins to get a dried-out look [so do boyfriends], especially in centrally-heated homes. Apply leather conditioning product with cotton balls. Leave for 24 hours for the leather to absorb it, then buff with a soft, clean duster.
• Or sponge with vinegar and water with a little ammonia added. While still wet apply castor oil on a rag. When the leather is dry polish with furniture cream.
• When using any sort of leather conditioner, be careful not to touch any embossed gilding and keep the product away from any surrounding wood.

I imagine that last bit means don't clean the sling while someone's in it.