Well fret no more! The good people over at Heinz have offered to do the talking for you with customizable ketchup bottles. At MyHeinz.com you can orer pre-made or personalized messages to appear on your ketchup bottles.
Oh sure, their samples all say things like "Congratulations", "Happy Anniversary", and "Get Well Soon," but honestly, how crappy a congratulations or anniversary present is a bottle of ketchup? And I'm sure he'll recover from that bypass much more quickly with a load of ketchup on his fries. Clearly, this ingenious service is to bring to the table that which you would rather not do yourself.
Whether you're serving tater tots,
hot dogs,
flank steak,
leaving out a cold dinner because he was "working late" again,
or for spicing up those frozen leftovers,
this ketchup can say what you're afraid to.
The condiment for when the condom breaks.
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