on the road again

Brother Mac just called from the road. He felt he had to call me because he was passing through Dumbass, Arkansas.

Actually, it's spelled Dumas, but he was pretty sure he was in Dumbass. He stopped for gas and asked the woman at the register where he was. In a thick accent, she said, "Dumbass."

Mac replied, "Look Lady, you don't have to be rude. I was just wondering where I am."

Nuthin'.



He thought at least the locals would have a regional pronunciation as not to sound like "dumbass." He once had to inverview a woman whose last nae was Kuntz. He politely introduced her as Candy [Koontz]. She corrected him, "Oh no no. It's [Cunts]."

Mac was thinking "Even if my name was MacDonald Penises I would be saying thinks like "Oh no. That's Penossis." (Rhyming with Onassis)

Mac also reports in this stretch of nothing—he's driving to Jackson Mississippi— he's seen only highway patrols and lots of cops. I'm guessing traffic/speeding tickets are a major source of income in those parts. He's always wanted to say this when pulled over by a highway patrolman and asked,

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Because I'm black?"

I kept thinking of the poor kids at Dumbass High School. Even their Valedictorian is a Dumbass. And they have that painful rivalry with those sarcastic kids over at Smartass High.