Easter, part 1: prop shopping

So, as you may recall, at TBOC's 80's night Michael convinced me to step up my game and compete with his Gym Bunny design at the Easter Bonnet Contest. We bantered about Bunny theme ideas and I threw out Bunny Bread (too geographically limited), Bunny Raitt (too eclectic), My Bunny Lies Over the Ocean (not enough of anything), Bunny and Clyde (considered a good one), and perhaps inspired by the 80s soundtrack settled on and celebrated the final Bunny Tyler and Total Eclipse of the Heart Hat.

Bunny and Clyde will be next year.

As you may have noticed, it was a busy and exhausting week for I'm Just Sayin', and I had to carve out time Friday night to go shopping for a hat form and construction materials. My crafty playmates were all otherwise occupied, so I set out alone and tried hitting places in the Castro like Cliff's before torturing myself with a drive to the nearest craft store in Colma. Surprisingly, Cliff's had very little to offer, but Walgreen's renewed my love for the chain. I found some cheap adornments, but not nearly what I needed.

It was a beautiful sunny evening after work and I was faced with the idea of shopping alone on what would usually be an adventure, and driving to Colma, I was easily swayed to join some familiar bar flies for just one happy hour drink before making my way.

After refreshment, I managed to reach Kevin, and informed him I would be kidnapping him for a roadie road trip to Joanne's Fabric and Crafts. Gotta love that Kevin. He turned his mood on a dime, concocted some fairly elaborate Singapore Slings, and was ready for a little IJS style adventure.

Joanne's was, surprisingly, worthless. Except for the super hot blond euro-looking guy waiting in line who provided us with visual entertainment as we queried the wearied staff. They recommended we try Michael's in Palo Alto. The Emeryville one is closer, even considering we'd have to cross the Bay, and Kevin had enough pep that he just piped up "road trip!" and we got back on the Interstate.

We had the good sense to call ahead and found out they also did not have hat forms and the like, so we flipped back and poured cocktails to endure the super-cheesy Serramonte Mall and it's high-end anchor stores: Mervyn's and Target. ("Oooooh." I hear you sigh.) I thought that surely one of those places would have a cheap hat I could adapt to my purposes. The Mervyn's Excursion was just sad. The staff was not knowledgeable of much of anything, including spoken English. Target however, was a treasure trove if one knew how to look at something and see it as something else.

I found big floppy hats with the women's accessories. As I was trying on the hats, Kevin's phone rang. It was his father.

Now I am a huge fan of Herman Koberle. Love him. Although aside from the his other son's funeral, our interactions have always been either by e-mail or on a mobile phone amidst some outlandish silliness that Kevin and I have gotten into. So of course he calls when I am trying on large women's hats, in Target, with a cocktail, preparing for an arts & crafts Easter bonnet contest hosted by leather queens dressed in drag as nuns on an otherwise high holy day.

I'm just sayin'.

Kevin is always grateful when I'm with him when his dad calls. "If I'm with you then he knows I'm not getting into trouble."

I'm not sure that the opposite isn't true.

Herman asked that I take a picture of me modeling the hats. So just for you Herman, here is the pic of the pretty:


Unfortunately the staff at Target was also ignorant of their own products.

If I was going to go all Beach Blanket Babylon on the hat, I would need the brim to support props.

Asking the woman in charge of the stationery section:
"Do you have any foam core?"
"What?"
"Foam core. Or foam board. It's like poster board, but thick and sturdy?"
"No, we don't have anything like that."
I turn around, see it and take two paces. "Here it is." (Under a sign reading "Foam Board") "For future reference, this is what foam board looks like."

Asking the guy boy staffing the toy section.
"Where are the Barrel of Monkeys?"
"What?"
"Barrel of Monkeys. Little plastic barrel? Filled with plastic monkeys whose arms are like hooks?"
"We don't carry those."
"I've seen them here. They've been making them since the 50's."
"Oh, they don't make them any more."
"Can I ask someone who works in toys. They might know."
"I'm the guy who works toys."
"Uuuh, yeah... Is there anyone older I could talk to?"

(At this point it was like being on the phone asking a clueless child "Is your mother home?")

"No."
Middle-aged female shopper walking by: "Try two aisles over with the toddler toys. I think they're over there."
"Thank you."

And there they were. Except the barrel is no longer brown but green, and the monkeys are no longer red, but the same bright green plastic. No matter, it would do nicely. Kevin and I did go out of the way to find the toy guy and point out "For future reference, this is a Barrel of Monkeys. A barrel. Filled with monkeys. As much fun as."

I'm just sayin'.