tales from folkbore

Concept: The Bible as really old fan fiction.

Inspired by this one paragraph in Cracked's excellent take dawn of the puritanism and hypocrisy of hate groups like the American Family Association and Million Moms in the digital age: How Archie's Gay Friend Proved the Internet Can Do Good

The second method is bringing in a new invisible character from a different book [contextual note: Jesus in the Bible] to object, but that's not preaching morality, that's writing fan fiction. But when your favorite author has only released four books in the last two millenniums, you're going to get a lot of people writing their own fan fiction about how the characters would react to modern things that didn't exist when the canon was laid down.

See also:

When Archie is too progressive for you, that's how science identifies you as an earlier species. All those people asking questions about your protest aren't reporters, they're anthropologists trying to work out why you didn't die off before we became Homo sapiens. And if they said so, you'd be more upset about the "homo" part. Instead of evolving from monkeys like the rest of us, your only improvement is flinging shit metaphorically instead of physically. And since several species of monkey enjoy homosexuality and don't say anything, they're two steps ahead of the American Family Association.