it gets better

The suicide rate among gay teens remains a nightmare, but in recent months, two young boys killed themselves over constant, excessive bullying at their schools, sometimes including harassment by their teachers, and often with the full knowledge of the school officials. This is inexcusable, as is the right wing's organized attempts to keep bullying alive and literally kicking in the nation's schools. I'm sorry, but that's just evil, and hardly Christian as they love to claim.

But back to the kids. Being young and gay in America sucks. The fear of familiar rejections is almost enough to make anyone suicidal, but add to that daily torment at school and it's no wonder the suicide rate is so high. Especially when this torment is egged on by parents, teachers, principals, and clergy.

Dan Savage was moved last week to do something to help these kids surrounded by a barrage of hateful messages. He started a project to tell them the truth: Being gay, closeted or not, as a kid sucks, but it gets better. Most of these kids don't have anyone taking them aside and saying, "Yeah, this is dark, and despairing, and painful but hold on. This year, and maybe next year, will be a little miserable. But serious: it gets better. Do not kill yourself. It may look bad now, but it will get better."

But through modern media—the Internet social networks, and YouTube—we can be that voice a tortured kid so desperately needs.

Dan Savage and his usually shy partner posted a video and have started a channel on YouTube: It Gets Better. Here people like you and me can record our own videos and experiences as a gay teen, and assure gay youth that it does, in fact, get better. hang in there.

Here's the incident that prompted this project. Here's a letter to Dan's column: "I just read about a gay teenager in Indiana—Billy Lucas—who killed himself after being taunted by his classmates. Now his Facebook memorial page is being defaced by people posting homophobic comments. It's just heartbreaking and sickening. What the hell can we do?"

Here's an excerpt of Dan's response:

Nine out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school, and gay teens are four times likelier to attempt suicide. Many LGBT kids who do kill themselves live in rural areas, exurbs, and suburban areas, places with no gay organizations or services for queer kids.

"My heart breaks for the pain and torment you went through, Billy Lucas," a reader wrote after I posted about Billy Lucas to my blog. "I wish I could have told you that things get better."

I had the same reaction: I wish I could have talked to this kid for five minutes. I wish I could have told Billy that it gets better. I wish I could have told him that, however bad things were, however isolated and alone he was, it gets better.

But gay adults aren't allowed to talk to these kids. Schools and churches don't bring us in to talk to teenagers who are being bullied. Many of these kids have homophobic parents who believe that they can prevent their gay children from growing up to be gay—or from ever coming out—by depriving them of information, resources, and positive role models.

Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don't have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids.

So here's what you can do, GBVWS: Make a video. Tell them it gets better.

I've launched a channel on YouTube—www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject—to host these videos. My normally camera-shy husband and I already posted one. We both went to Christian schools and we were both bullied—he had it a lot worse than I did—and we are living proof that it gets better. We don't dwell too much on the past. Instead, we talk mostly about all the meaningful things in our lives now—our families, our friends (gay and straight), the places we've gone and things we've experienced—that we would've missed out on if we'd killed ourselves then.

I really wanted to post my own story and speak to these kids, but I can't seem to work something up without crying. Which surprised me.

There are some amazing responses though, including a new one from Dave Holmes, co-host of DVD on TV on FX.

I love Matt Baume's reasonable videos tearing apart the lies in the ads from the insidious "national Organization for Marriage" (NOM), and it turns out he's a local writer, and now supporter of the It Gets Better Project. Here is Matt's video announcing a live and in person flash mob for this Sunday in the Castro where we can all say "It gets better."



There is also a walk for marriage equality across the Golden Gate Bridge this Sunday, so this event is timed to begin when those walkers return to the City/the Castro.

However, Sunday is also Folsom Street Fair, and most homos who will be there, so I worry about the turnout. The It Gets Better flash event is scheduled to run from 1:00 to 2:00 p.m. I'm volunteering at the Rodeo booth serving beverages from noon to 3:00 p.m. on Sunday so I'm out.

Update from Matt: Yes, they will be in the Castro this Sunday and know they are competing with the incredibly popular Folsom Street Fair, but they will also be at the Castro Street Fair next Sunday (October 3). They wanted to have an event this Sunday too so they could post some community videos as soon as possible.