eye might have a problem

I have always been a collector of sorts. Up until college, it was comic books. Then it was movies adn television tapes. Then DVDs. I went back to school in 2002 and got a Master of Library and Information Science degree designed around television and film archiving. I was no longer a video hoarder, I am an archivist.

After I fell feet first into the world of country-western dancing, and the gay rodeo, I got a little Imelda with the boots. Including the two pair I keep in Nashville, I think I may have 14 pair of cowboy boots. That's a little excessive. I made myself stop with the boots, and I moved on to buckles, (much smaller and much less expensive). But with the belly protrusion I have stopped that too.

I do love eyeglasses though. I remember my first "cool" pair I got with Frame Consultant James Hass at City Optix on Haight Street. This was around 1997. Flush with a little savings and a new VSP coverage through work, I picked out a beautiful green gun metal pair from L.A. Eyeworks. I thought getting two pair was just far too extravagant. The dude explained it to me this way:

"How many pairs of shoes do you own?"
"A lot."
"These go on your face."
"Sold."

And I never looked back. Well, I did look back, but through some really awesome glasses.

VSP assists in buying new frames and lenses every two years. About two years ago I kind of screwed myself as I didn't realize it was based on the calendar year. I had been visiting some cool wooden frames in the window of Specs in the City in the Castro for a while, but the holidays got manic (as they do) and I decided I would just come back in January. That put me a year our for the next VSP cycle. I couldn't decide between two wooden pair and a sleek pair of black and orange frames. Each frame was about $300-$500. I had about $500 in my flex spending account to use or lose so I was going to get something. The owner/salesperson was nice and offered me all three for $600. The markup on glasses frames must be exorbitant if he could make that offer, which I accepted.

Instead of getting $200-$300 from VSP, I later learned I would only get $20 for each pair as I bought the frames from a shop without an optometrist on site. And the lens prescription themselves would have to be filled at Veo at Church and Market, for which Specs and the City had arranged a discount. I may have been far more out of pocket than I expected, but I got a fashionably crafted wooden set of sunglasses, a pair of wire and wood day frames, and the black-and-orange designer frames.

I swore off specs for a while too.

Then a coworker shared her similar ordeal, and I remember someone once mentioned an online glasses retailer: EyeBuyDirect.com. I thought I would at least take a look.

Prices at EyeBuyDirect range from $6.95 to $49.95, inclusive of prescription lenses. Holy merde. For $7, I was willing to try it out. Shipping is a flat $4.95, so I might as well try two. They had an easy return policy, and each pair cost about as much as a cocktail. That was worth it. By the end of the shopping trip, I had four frames picked out: three regular and one pair sunglasses. Including shipping: $70.

Here's the deal: frames and lenses start around $7. Then come the add-ons: anti-glare, $7, UV filter, $5 and so on. Polarized lenses (for sunglasses), $35. The sunglasses were half the cost of my order. I added UV for the sake of my eyes, but thought that the anti-glare add on was a rip off and I didn't want to overdo it as this began, after all, as just a try-it-out exercise.

It took about three weeks for my glasses to arrive, maybe a month. It takes about two weeks to get the lenses made and fitted, and about two weeks to ship. Only after I made my order did I think to do some consumer experience checking, and I found about five nasty stories online. However, these also did not appear to be from savvy shoppers with realistic expectations, and five bad reports out of thousands of customers seemed like a pretty good track record.

So, the frames arrived, and two of the pair did not look as good in person as they did online. I was able to return them with little to no trouble and only at the cost of shipping, which was less than $5. As I wanted alternative frames instead, it was an even trade.

I liked the pink pair I got for pride, and loved the bright blue pair. However, it seems that the anti-glare coating is something you really need.

A week or so later, I tried calling about getting anti-glare lenses. My first customer service experience with EyeBuyDirect.com was terrible. I was clearly directed a call center somewhere in Asia where the English was limited and critical thinking prohibited. She could only read to me from a script, which did not necessarily address my needs. More than once I had to ask, politely, for her to (1) listen to my question (2) think about it and then (3) using her own knowledge, answer my question based on her understanding of both my question and their practices. Aaaand...nope.

There was a lot of head banging on my end.

I had the frames I wanted, I just wanted to update the lenses. But their stock rotates (one reason they are so cheap) and those frames were out of stock.

"But I have the frames, I just want different lenses."
"I'm sorry sir, but those frames are out of stock."
"Yes, but I would like to return these frames, get the anti-glare lenses, and get the glasses back."
"But those frames are out of stock."

About ten minutes later, I was almost certain she was going to ask me "Who's on first?"

I hung up and called back the next day. Entirely different experience. Still obviously a call center, but his person was more fluent, and was able to communicate off-script. Here's their deal: there is a 14 day immediate return and refund policy, but you have a year to return your glasses for other reasons, no questions asked. When you return a set of frames and lenses, it doesn't get routed to them, but rather a third-party which processes the frames to be recycled or given to charity. They can't take back my frames and put in new lenses. They can make an entirely new pair and send those, provided the frame style is still in stock. Seems wasteful, but makes sense.

So by the end of it, I returned all four frames I bought in the first place, and got four new ones, upping the design on one pair, and adding anti-glare this time to all of them. I paid maybe $11 for the difference. No new shipping charge.

A couple of weeks later, they arrived at my office, and they have been MUCH fun. And so far, the quality of the lenses and prescription are just fine as far as I can tell.

They sent me a discount code for a new pair, and a discount code for me to share with friends. Friends who use this code get %5 off their order, and I get bonus points and credit towards new pairs with every friend who buys using that discount code.

So now I have five new pair of glasses.

Including lenses and shipping, I spent less than $100. And the bulk of that expense was for the new tortoise shell sunglasses I got to keep in the car, but have found they are my new favorite pair. The other frames I got for parties and such, and justified it thinking that $15 was a bargain, and far less than I usually spend on other costume or party props.

But now I think I have another collecting problem. I already had maybe 11 pair of glasses, even though I really just rotate among four of those, and change to the others depending on the occasion and what I'm wearing.

Over the past two months, I have added these to the family, and am loving it:


I've always wanted a blue pair, especially if the Blue Party ever comes back. These have been a big hit and I find myself picking out blue shirts just so I can wear these glasses.


And every time I wear these out, I get compliments, and everyone wants to try them on.


I wanted a pink pair for Pride, which also looked gorge on Easter.




Actually, those are light purple. The pink came out too fleshy and just made my face look out of focus. The darker pair in the group photo are actually dark purple, and look cool when the light catches them.


The red frames, are just simply fun.


And I really couldn't be happier with the tortoise shades. These replace a pair that were stolen from my car ages ago.

But yeah, I recognize this might be a bit excessive. But it is so much fun, and ridiculously affordable as far as fashion obsessions go. With my last order I got some limited sale notices, one of which was a pair akin to ones I had been eyeing in the store last year—brushed copper gunmetal—but they were $595. I snagged them for $6.95 plus the anti-glare and UV filters.

My recent purchases have pushed me into a previously-unknown "VIP" level at EyeBuyDirect, and today I received a code for 20% off sunglasses (but they have to be actually designer sunglasses, not just frames I liked to which I added dark polarized lenses), and links to a special sale.

These caught my eye. So to speak.


While my other frames were around $7 plus, these started at $32. I decided that I absolutely did not need yet another pair of fun time glasses.

I manage to resist most of the day. They'll be here in about three weeks.

If you would like to join me in the fun, and feed the credit in my account, please shop around yourself and use this link or the coupon code IF2NXG2WBI543415 to save 5% on your order. Just get your eye prescription from your doctor or optometrist (they'll e-mail or fax it), and measure your pupillary distance first (so easy: get a ruler, look in the mirror, close one eye and line up the zero with one pupil, close that eye and open the other one, and read the number in the center of that pupil, in millimeters). Bifocals including no-line are easy too, just a little more expensive. And note that the site is predominantly "serious" glasses, not the crazy color ones I bought. I had to hunt for these. So if you're looking for professional, staid yet stylish, or rimless, the site has thousands of choices.

Thank God my prescription doesn't change from year to year. I think it would cost me many thousands of dollars to update the lenses in all my frames using a conventional lab.

I'll be seeing you!