Even on the scales of justice I am overweight

It was a long afternoon of voir dire. As the session closed, the attorneys got to invoke their preemptory whatevers and reject certain jurors. By this time, I was kinda invested in the case and was looking forward to the arguments (I didn't come in here for abuse; I'm looking for an argument!). Before the session closed, I was hoping the ADA would ask me another question. Her questions were so poorly crafted I wanted to take a crack at calling her out on it. I suppose her intention was to make sure there were no indecisive jurors who might prompt a hung jury. She asked of those with children, "Have you ever had to make a decision regarding your children?"

okay, DUH! Are you kidding me? And when she made a mistake and asked someone without kids, or someone with only one child, she would repeatedly ask, "Have you ever had to make a decision?" Sometimes she would clarify, "In your life, have you ever had to make a decision about something?"

Oh my God. This young woman was not the brightest in her class. I was waiting for another question to me so I could say something along the lines of, "Juror Number Ten asks if counsel might wish to reconsider the question." "With all due respect to this court, and considerably less to the counselor, 'have you ever made a decision'? Everyone makes decisions all day long. We made the decision to open our mail. We made the decision to read the jury summons. We made the decision to heed the summons, appear here today, and to pay attention during the proceedings. Clearly, everyone makes decisions on a daily basis. I don't see the aisles of Safeway clogged with bodies because we all go catatonic when faced with the dilemma of paper or plastic. And I am making the decision to risk offending his Honor with my candor in expressing that this potential juror hopes that counsel makes the decision to do her homework before wasting any more of this court's time."

As it was, she rejected me as a juror and I have been excused.

Perhaps she could see it on my face. Or could tell by the 'pfff's or open laughs during her questioning.

My favorite response to her questioning was from a new alternate, who was Chinese with good English skills although severly accented:

"Do you have any children?"
"Three daughters. 44, 42, and 40."
"Have you ever had to make a decision regarding your daughters?"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"You've never had to make decisions regarding your daughters?"
"No. Their Daddy."

[Laughter and even some applause from the gallery and juror pool.]

"What about your job? Did you ever have to make any decisions in your job?" (Again, are you kidding me with these questions?)
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"You never had to make a decision in your job?"
"I was a dealer in Vegas. We don't make the decisions."

Love her.