reality dating shows

In this case, "shows" is a verb. Shows what exactly I'm not yet sure.

It has been brought to my attention of late, repeatedly so, that I have not been "open" towards dating. I don't think that's entirely true, but there is some truth in the observation. One recurring criticism is that I do not keep my social calendar as much as it keeps me. This I have to admit has become true. And as I lead a full and exciting social life, with quality friends with whom I share my hopes and dreams and disappointments, I don't feel that my life is particularly lacking anything (other than a more fulfilling career and bank account).

I've gotten several "talking to's" recently, usually by coupled friends, that I should to be actively dating, with an underlying implication that by not doing so I have failed in some fashion. A recommendation to enroll in Match.com is typically included in this conversation. I think there is a fundamental false assumption on their part. That I should be or am anxious to be coupled right now. I see enrollment in online dating services as actively pursing a relationship, implying a certain desire or need for one. I don't share that drive. I am not object to it at all, just not driven to it.

I think that the reason I don't date is that I feel no particular need to. My life does not seem emotionally deficient in any particular way. I do not feel alone, much less lonely. And I have most of my time already accounted for with fun and exciting things that I value those rare days or nights I get to spend alone with the DVR, or get a good night's sleep, or finally find time for laundry and domestic chores. Others have, perhaps rightfully so, asserted that the reason I don't feel romantically deficient (hopeless hopeful romantic that I truly am) or inclined to date is that my time and my mind are too occupied for it to occur to me.

And so this year I have been trying to make myself more open to opportunity. I look for unique events or entertainment options that would make for a good first date experience, and invite the interesting men I meet. I've managed to shelve my fear of rejection and basically man up and just ask. Of course, now I have a new problem. They say no.

(I have tickets to James Judd's new one-man show Whoop Click! this Saturday. So far, no persons of interest have reciprocated interest in joining me. The last James Judd show I went to I took the Jimm-with-Two-Mm's, and as happy a date as that was, the dating experience ended badly. He was the last guy I really liked, and liking a guy enough to ask him out, and make time for him, is rare for me.)

From time to time I think I have a "type" but upon careful examination, beyond the physical characteristics that reflexively turn my head, I don't. Even some of the physical qualities I find visibly hot, I seem to enjoy only in theory and not in practice.

One benefit, so "they" say, to online match sites is that it forces you to consider honestly what you seek in a mate. (Again, there is the presumption that I am seeking a mate. If I come across/find/meet a potential mate, great. But I am not seeking. I am happy going about my life until the butterfly of happiness lights upon me.)

What I think I want in a boyfriend:

• Clever (most of all)
• Social, rather (has to keep up, and sometimes lead)
• Smart as well as educated (and understands the difference between the two)
• Pop and culture savvy
• Rhythm
• Gets the joke
• Has dealt
• Versatile from black tie to leather, whatever the invite inspires
• Mac, not PC
• Honestly, I have to feel confident taking him home to meet the family
• PLU
• Doesn't think of me as fat
• Can hold his liquor

Handsome doesn't hurt, but is not nearly as important as the above, even though I may involuntarily swoon at slender or growl at a jawline. Having a beard is not important either, but being able to grow one kinda is. (What is it about stubble?)

Peeves:
• BO
• More dim and less wit
• Poor grammar
• Luddites
• Can't man up to communicate honestly

I am not ready to self-identify as a bear. But bring me an otter if you can.

There are in fact several men I would marry in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, these men live in Boston, or West Chester, or Nashville, or Austin. We always want what we can't have. And typical human that I am, I usually don't want what wants me.

But I am now more open to opportunity than I have been. And I find myself playing Scotty Emerick's The Coast Is Clear a little more often.


And on the topic of the reality of dating—
Consistent with their gutter trash reality programming, Fox Television has a new reality dating show: More to Love featuring bachelorettes of shall we say fuller figures.

Shilpa and Pee Dee saw the horrifying promo the other night. Pee Dee may have coined the new national nickname for the show. While watching he said, "Oh my God. It's The Fatchelor."