and I'm back

I popped out to the Castro for lunch. It seems the City is in holiday limbo between Christmas and New Year's. It is eerily quiet. Enough that it's freaking me out.

Walking down Castro toward Harvey's, I waived at a friend approaching and passing on the sidewalk with his headphones plugged into his iPhone, clearly in an animated conversation. I was surprised when he stopped mid-sentence to remove his ear buds and hugged me.

"Oh how nice! I thought you were on the phone."
"No, lip syncing. Show tonight."

And all at once I am home.

I missed you too San Francisco.

Golden Girls Christmas 2012

I joined PeeDee and some of his friends Saturday night to see my favorite queens in their fabulously successful Golden Girls: The Christmas Episodes show.  I am so happy for them that after so many years, this has become one of the must-do holiday traditions in San Francisco. hey have grown enormously from the tiny little black crate of a stage, to the small art space in the Mission, to now playing sold-out crowds at the Victoria Theater, and making very paper and blog's list of best SF holiday events.

It's always fun, and I am impressed that they are able to keep the material fresh and punch it up from year to year. Cheers and bravas to friends Pollo, Matthew, Heklina and Cookie Dough! I totally felt the love!


And my theater company was good too—


As were the surprise guest stars: Sister Roma on stage and Mutha Trucka a few rows in front of us.




It's odd how at home I feel in SF when drag queens call my name from a stage. It's like a big glittery hug with a little booze! We all need one of those from time to time.

While I already hold the title of The Cool Uncle with the kids back home, I think I might be able to step it up a notch with glittery, boozy hugs. Interpretations of "Fairy Godfather" and all of that. All the other kids will be jealous. Or they should be.


Update:
I forgot—if it's your birthday, you get a special treat from Blanche.

Bryan, Pollo, GlamaZONE, and Wendy Ho

It's MacWorld season again, which brings back to SF former resident and always good friend Bryan R.! Yay for Bryan time! He left a snowy and -8 degree Boston at 5:00 a.m. to arrive SFO just past noon, and in time lunch on a cloudless, sunny day with temps hitting the 70s. A perfect day for a walk around his old stomping grounds, followed by an evening of haunting old cruising grounds bar haunts in the Castro.

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We very much enjoyed the 80s block at the Badlands, and by 9:30 we were up for one last drink at the Café to catch Pollo's show at the GlamaZONE. And boy were we glad we did. No only did Pollo rock the show again, this time in a frightfully short dress—frightening as we feared her candy might pop out at any minute, but her emmcee/stand-up skills are getting better and better. The Grrl is hilarious now that she has a mic that consistently works.

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A newcomer to the stage did a drag performance to one of our favorite songs by honorary drag queen and tongue-in-cheek hip hop performer Wendy Ho—who just happened to be in the audience, happened to have a CD in her purse (all good queen do) and gave the crowd an impromptu live performance of her new song "Oprah Winfrey."

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Tonight (Monday) Wendy Ho is performing a full show "Into Africa" at El Rio. Doors at 7, show at 8. Lots more info at WendyHo.net.

Also tonight, Funny Monday's Open Mic Comedy at Deco Lounge from 7 to 9 p.m., hosted by Leather Daddy, Master, and Funny Man Tony Koester, followed by the season premier of "Ru Paul's Drag Race," hosted by Ginger Snap.

right into the GlamaZONE

I am not one to say kind things about The Café, the "urbanized," LED-laden dance club at Castro and Market that caters to the 25-and-under crowd with BART passes and excessive jewelry. Sure, back in its redwood deck heydays, and my 20s, we'd hang out there some Sunday afternoons in the sun. Although as much as it makes me feel like a snob to air my disdain for the usual Café crowd, I am grateful for the Café if for no other reasons than (1) it fills a niche, (2) we need at least one honestly lesbian-friendly bar in the Castro (actually, we need more but whatever), and (3) like the ultraviolet, bug-zapping light at the edge of the porch, it attracts pests away from where I am sipping my cocktails at the other ends of the Castro.

So when the Glamazon Pollo Del Mar announced that she would be hosting a weekly event at the Café Sunday nights, I wasn't overly thrilled to check it out. And Sunday nights are reserved for Sundance Saloon anyway.

It looks like I'll be leaving Sundance a little early from now on to catch her show!

This Sunday night before MLK Monday I took my worn out self and non-dancing jankle to the Café to cheer on Pollo at her new GlamaZONE event, and support Bebe Sweetbriar in one of many comeback performances last week.

Here's the thing, the crowd at the Café may make the cast of Jersey Shore look like members of the Incredibly Elite Bona Fide Blue-Blood Beaumont Driving Club, but Pollo fucking owns that bar on Sunday nights and throws down one hell of a show. And I may have been too harsh on the crowd as they were all kind and showed that diva the love and respect she deserves on that stage.


Of course, they were all also hammered on the two-for-one special that ended at 9:00.

Joining her on stage last week were the returning BeBe Sweetbriar, Mercedez Munro; Felicia Lamar; and the Legendary Nikki Starr. Bebe rocked it out and Ms. Starr was her usual outstanding, crowd-crazy-making, glamorous self.

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Go girls. Pollo Del Mar's GlamaZONE, Sundays at the Café, party at 8:30, show at 9:30, drink specials vary.

Thanks! It was a gas!

Sigh. On it's three year anniversary, last night was the finale of Brain Farts Trivia with Pollo Del Mar at the Lookout. We were a fun bunch of not-it-mostlys, and in a fitting end, it was me against Mark, team Cerebral Quifes versus team Janet Wood If She Could, in the lighting round. I lost by a half point, erroneously shouting Richard Geffen when it was (of course) David Geffen. Oh what fun it's been! Thanks Pollo!



We will never forget the Joyce Dewitt Rule.

(Of course, I had to wear something to sparkle for the occasion, although I did not manage any face paint.)

well helloooo Dolly

Brain Farts' theme last night was Six Degrees of Dolly Parton, and with the Indian Summer Heat Wave it was 96 degrees in that bar. I didn't study up, but we still managed a respectable third place (losing our tie for second in the sudden death round).


Notable team names were: "Tranny Theme Park Dolly's Wood," "We Just Left Dollywood and Are Suffering from Post-Parton Depression," and simply "Boulder, Colorado."

It was a hot night for Testarossa 80s night at Trigger (with a lackluster Ghostbusters theme this time—I think they are running out of ideas). Oliver Twist was back in his booth with bright balloon creations and face/body painting. I realize I have not posted stories or photos from the Big Country 40th Party yet but I hired Oliver to paint tattoos at the birthday party and he was a HUGE hit. His first tatt' taker got a cool Koi, which fluoresced and sparkled remarkably in the black light. I was happy with whatever he wanted to work on and he offered a rose or banner tattoo, which I loved.

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Of course the name was my idea. Only real fags would get the joke. I sent this to Jeff M., who's muscled canvas was missing from our 80s night last night. Jeff got the anchor last time. He loved my Rose Nylund and replied "OMG that cracks me up! There need to be more GG themed tattoos in the world."

Sadly, there are:

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down and dirty at the SF debates

Beth Spotswood and Pollo Del Mar were the hosts of the SF Gate's live Internet coverage of the District 6 debates Tuesday night.

Oscar losers make us feel like winners

Skot Land the Shilpa had to bow out of last night's Brain Farts (theme: Oscar losers). And while my system was still recovering from the fun that was the Academy of Friends gala, I was happy to welcome childhood friend Jennifer Corbett —in town from NYC. No cloth napkins or tourist attractions for Jennifer, but rather some good local color. The color purple, actually, as Pollo was decked out in Harlem Globetrotters gear. And looking fierce as usual.

Jen and I are the type of folks who can pick up a conversation where we left off, which I think was in a downtown NYC Macy's Christmas 1994. Jennifer is both a hoot and a holler. She's also total PLU and got into the Brain Farts spirit in the blink of an eye. She's got a new local client so here's hoping we will see her back for more.

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Welcome Jen!

(She's also got some trivia props and we missed qualifying for the lightning round by one point.)

snow falling on shady pines

After a long hiatus, I finally got to catch up with Guy on Friday night, and we went to the very funny drag rendition of The Golden Girls: The Christmas Episodes! Starring Pollo Del Mar, Heklina, Cookie Dough and Matthew Martin. It runs through December 26 and is an unusually delightful holiday treat, like that battery-operated sweater you can't believe your aunt sent you.


Go and have a good time!

Ho, ho, ho and ho.

Fun Times at the County Fair

The second and soon to be annual AEF County Fair, a "Fun-Raiser" for the AIDS Emergency Fund, was a whimsical success! A mere $40 ticket granted admission and 20 white tickets good for games and food; red tickets were available for alcoholic beverages. Admission also includes a free ticket/admission to Sundance Saloon afterward.

Held in the little-known San Francisco County Fair Building (adjacent to the entrance to the Arboretum) in Golden Gate Park, volunteers staffed a wide range of traditional carnival games and fair food booths while the "main stage" featured speakers, drag performers, singers, and dancers.

And of course, the Happy Penis.

Shout out to David Taylor.

Performances and speakers included Donna Sachet, Connie Champagne, Sister Roma and Pollo Del Mar (Vote for Pollo for Ru Paul's Drag Race). Pollo's performances included a rendition of Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" in which she trans(!)forms from a Brittney-style catholic school girl to a raging bull dyke.

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And one danger of launching onto and off of folding tables in ill-fitting Birkenstocks: tumbling ass over tea kettle.


Professional on the stage as well as her street corner, Pollo quickly recovered and popped back onto the platform.


Some of the traditional carnival games had a decidedly San Franciscan take on them, and one or two put the carnal in carnival. Games included Plinko, Knock Over the Milk Bottles, Shooting Gallery, Ring the Bell with the Hammer, and fortunes tellers. RMJ staffed the Shooting Gallery for a while, and added a great deal to the game by requiring/allowing contestants to dig for their own arrows/darts and prize tokens in his apron pockets.

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It was certainly that kind of crowd: hot and frisky.



Lance and Steve
(Hot certainly, but I make no assertions as to frisky.)
My favorite game, at which I became quite skilled, was Fling the Frog.



BJ Patnode flings the frog.
The bar was a hit too, as well as the traditional pie contest, and ultimately pie consumption.



Ron Jenkins and Jorge Hernandez enjoy
each other and three-berry pie
Fun community retakes on traditional games included the Dildo Ring Toss (seen across from the Shooting Gallery), Suzan Revah's Kissing Booth (boys and girls interchangeable)...


and the George Bush Shoe Toss (four shoes per ticket, face hit wins first prize)

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Suzan had asked me to volunteer for the kissing booth, but the combination of scheduling conflicts with the required orientation and the thought of swapping spit with many strangers as H1N1 was going crazy led to by declining the invitation. I did note that the team did come up with some original rules, and the booth was very popular. I'll be volunteering next year.


I turned around from Fling the Frog just as Pollo finished inflicting "much more" on Leo and Tod. Pollo turned to me and asked "Did you see me molesting the Kissing Both boys?"

"No," I said, and indicated a circle around my mouth, "but I can tell."

That drag makeup is hard to remove, and the kids spent a good ten minutes trying.

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I ran into the boys four hours later in the Castro and the evidence yet remained.

All in all, it was fun for the whole family, no matter how you define the term.

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This was the AEF County Fair's second year, and it looks like it will be a fun and profitable tradition to support their important work.

Flickr set

the real Real Housewives

Shouts out to last week's trivia partners, the real Real Housewives of the Bay Area.

Gay Greg used to work with Bev and Pam. Bev and Pam were having their girls night out, and planned to visit Bev's son's bar, the Lookout. Knowing it's a gay bar in the City, they asked Gay Greg to join them. Knowing we hot Brain Farts every Wednesday, Gay Greg included us.

On the heels of the Pop 8 ruling, the theme was divorce. As usual, Pollo and Bebe brought up the train wreck that is reality TV, and The Real Housewives. They, of course, loved Bev and Pam and their gang, not only as Mother of the Owner, but as The Real Real Housewives (our team name, although the best team name appropriately went to "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Family Style")



The Real Real Housewives

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Happy fun times and winners' shots. We did, of course win. It's our habit. C'mon, there was even a Buffy question—this game is so ours.

During the Price is Right round (of things you'll need when during your divorce, like menstrual cramp pain killer and Secret antiperspirant)one of the items was Summer's Eve Kootch Freshener or some sort of feminine hygiene spray. Being a gay bar, the crowd had little experience with this item and we let the women bid (although we lost that bid). Curiosity got the best of Bebe and they sprayed it around to see what it smelled like.

Wow.

Strong.

And a bit offensive.

Hostess Bebe or Pollo: "Ladies and Gentlemen this is what fresh vagina smells like!"

Which was pretty hilarious.


And led to an unfortunately out-of-context tweet/status update from me: "OMG. If this is what fresh vagina smells like I am so glad I'm gay!"

There was much comment.

Flickr set.