And in insanely great 60s French beat groove dancing news...

From Alert Reader Malz, this vintage reel of awesome.

Says Will: "Enjoy the background dancer."

Later adding, "It's the switchblade that really makes it."

Wait for it.



Chex les yéyés indeed.

testify to fit

Will's Crossfit testimonial. Man I have to get back to that.

Incredible

Will, his wife, and his brother and his brother's wife are all now certified Cross Fit coaches.

They are strong and fit in a super-human sort of way. I was wondering if they were going to form some sort of Fantastic Four super hero team.

His IM shot this morning:

Clearly, Will is incredible. The goatee is new to me though. And I am a little bothered that I think he's all hot and shit in that mask.

From our IM:


His first born is named Odin. I'm just wondering how old he will be before Will dresses him up with an eye patch and Nordic viking gear for Halloween.

Deadlift

Will's Crossfit Update: Deadlift, three reps, 465 freaking pounds.


Will - Deadlift - 465 x 3 from Will Malz on Vimeo.

I would snap my spine.

And seriously, what kind of crazy workout person has all those weights at their house? How the hell did he get them? Loaded them into the car from the Sports Authority? (Did he need a special truck?) Had them shipped? What kind of shipping cost is attached to one ton of workout equipment?

Just things I wonder.

this litle piggy went to (south of) market

Okay, so I mentioned a while back that Will was hosting his annual Pig! roast.

This year was Pig III!

And remember, the roman numerals are arbitrary. Next year is PIG XXI!

The Pig III! event was a huge success, and I am sorry to have missed it (but not sorry to have stayed for the Rodeo).

Some photos from Will:

firing up the pit

omg!

Pig on the grill

Turning the pig

James and his meat

There are also some really gross preparation photos, such as this one,

which I am sure will make another appearance when I need to make some sort of relationship with James, meat, and rubber gloves.

Also present was Will's brother, whom Will describes in IM alternatively as "the Most Physically Fit 45 Year Old Ever" and "the You-So-Wish-He-Was-Gay Brother."

Dude, c/o those arms.



Here's a photo of the brother during last week's "Linda" CrossFit workout.

Even as total CrossFit junkies, this year they were a little lighter on the Pig Games than originally planned. The Beer Mile event was well attended and many reveled in its regurgitatory theater. (See the practice Beer Mile: Will, Will's wife Cindy, and James running on a hot summer night, several margaritas down.)

You may also recall, that Will designed shirts for the event. One shirt designed for the crew (seen here and another designed for the sole Pig III Champion. I ordered both.

One thing led to another and Will never got around to ordering shirts for his own event, so I, the one who didn't go, am the only one with Pig III shirts.

However when they arrived, they were huge.


Luckily, even printed on "pre-shrunk" cotton, they resized considerably after washing. (That' and I am a little on the pig size myself these days.)

Which leads me to Part II of this post:

The HAIRrison Street Fair.

The sort of hairy step-child to Folsom and Dore, the HAIRrison Street Fair is the frisky SoMa street fair for hirsute and burly gay men. Also known as: The Bear Fair.

And "pig" has an entirely different meaning South of Market.

So the "Pig Champion" shirt was perfect.



I got a lot of attention. However, about 70% pleasant / 30% Dear-God-get-off-of-me.

I tried to send Will photos of me in the shirt paired with wild men via the iPhone, but the passers by I gave the phone to could not figure out how to take a photo. It's one button. These guys may have been pretty, but not pretty smart.

I really wanted to get a shot with the newly titled Mr. San Francisco Leather Boy (the lovely and talented Carl Anderson), but no one could seem to get the idea that I wanted the t-shirt logo and his bare ass in the same frame.



Beau, Carl, Steve
Basically, I just wanted to taunt Will with photos of his shirt way, way out of his intended context. And he's totally the kind of guy who would (1) find that funny and (2) root for it.

Pigs on parade:






And of course a shout to my favorite wing man and personal cheering section Robert Michael Joseph, who made the afternoon and the Eagle that much fun.

Very small Flickr set.

And now to Part III.

Eyes Across a Crowded Room appeared again.

Now this is a fairly "frisky" bear fair and I was enjoying the boost to my self esteem. Plenty of attention from fun and furry quarters. Now Eyes was back playing nice. I fell for him once, or rather twice, was cast aside, and had been pretty much just playing nice if not giving the cold shoulder (and apparently, acting like a dick sometimes) at shared functions. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me five or six times and I'm just a pushover.

I fell for it again. At least this time, it was with some reluctance.

But I can't help but feel that there is some there there. But Hot Tony is advising me this is all my own psychological issue and i need to examine why I like Eyes Across a Crowded Room, and why I find myself saying the things I say to him. Things that are more often lines I expect to hear rather than honest expressions.

Of course, the boatloads of bourbon on both our parts may have had something to do with it.

I did have to laugh at one observation. Here I am all impressed by him, and he's intimidated/dismayed that I know so many people and am at ease working a room.

He also knows I can dance and asked me to take him out to the last hour of Sundance.

Taking me to Sundance is NOT the remedy for me knowing too many people.

Please don't throw me in that briar patch.

I had to make a bee-line for the bathroom and he asked me if I wanted a drink and if so what. I "Just tell them you're with me. It'll be taken care of." "But I don't understand?" Rushing into the loo before I wet myself, "Just give the bartender my name and you'll be taken care of."

He met met outside the bathroom with two Mandarin and sodas.

"How do you do that?"

I/we danced for the final hour that they were open (forced to close early on a Labor Day Sunday), and then we had a long talk and hang out at his place. And we danced some more.

We made a date for dinner and dancing on Thursday. He really does want to learn to two-step.

But of course, come Monday, he canceled. I should have seen that one coming. ("Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." and all of that.)

I don't know what to think. Of him or of me.

I try not to play games. The whole come here/go away thing. The being a dick thing. The being unavailable thing.

In the past I have gotten grief for being too unavailable--I don't have any time in my social schedule for dating. But what I am realizing now, at least with Eyes, is that I am unavailable chronologically, and too available emotionally.

Hot Tony thinks I need to examine the whole nature of this attraction much more closely. He got into the psychology if it all. It will be deeply revealing about myself. I don't know if I am ready for that level of self-awareness.

But I suppose I'm due.

Those who cannot be aware of the past mistakes will be condemned to repeat them. And all of that.

orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Will has been collection bits of Orange.

As in safety orange. His wet suit is orange. The Pig III Champion shirt was orange. And he is fascinated but the loud "safety" orange thing.

He loved the pic of the UT orange beer and wants a case.

So now whenever I see orange colored stuff, I think of will.

I took these photos with my iPhone when we were out Thursday night after Sundance.

I feel for the poor students who huddle in croups around the city wearing corporate costumes and team-shilling products. They know they have crappy jobs. But I am also annoyed by them.

But the Dell adversing band were wearing orange hoodies so I took a photo.


I was stopped by one of the "Get a more powerful PC guys" and unintentionally responded to the pitch with a bit of snark.

"Do you need a more powerful PC?"
"I have a more powerful PC. It's called a 'Mac.'"

Then I felt like a dick because he backpedaled into the whole "it's not really about the computer but saving lives in Africa. Have you heard of the (RED) campaign?"

Of course I had, but then he tried pushing the Dell (RED) computers and I disengaged. I had cowboys to meet at 440.

In front of 440 the Stop AIDS coach was there and volunteers were taking surveys, offering advice, and offering free STD testing on the spot. Leading this healthy band was my favorite leather boy and kink consultant Jorge.



Will would get a kick out of Jorge. Not only was he wearing a bright orange hunting parka, he had a mohawk to match.

that'll do, PIG!!!

I'm not going.

I so want to.

But I just got back from one vacation and already have too much on my plate for work and for this weekend to take off on another.

James left today.

He's headed to Connecticut. He'll see his family, go to Will's, see Radio Head, and then jet back for another Radio Head show in Golden Gate Park, a wedding in Sonoma, and then directly to Burning Man.

What will the Jamez be doing at The Will Compound?

Pig III!

PIG III!!!

They are all over this. A huge pig roast. Actual large pig. Big pit. Roasting. And a crazy insane amount of Cross Fit competitions.

And the beer mile. A competition wherein contestants sprint a mile as fast as they can, stopping every quarter mile to chug a beer. I am not sure how they determine who "wins" this competition.

James, Will, and Will's rockin wife had a practice beer run (while they were already half in the bag) last June. They called me hammered while I was working the boot check at Pride.

Other Pig III notes:

• Will has designed/ordered t-shirts for the contestants. And one for the Pig III Champion.

I ordered one of both. Will is a bit perturbed that I ordered the latter one as I am not the Pig II Champion. I am expected to attone for this is some fashion. Considering Will wants me to dirnk the Cross Fit KoolAid, and that he himself can hurl a small Volkswagon, this worries me.

Although I think wearing a Pig Champion shirt South of Market may be its own reward.

• The Pig weekend party events and roasts are an annual tradition. The roman numerals following PIG are assigned arbitrarily.

Pig III is not the third year. And next year's event is Pig XXI. I believe this year was chosen to be Pig III because Will wanted to design this invitation:


This was promptly vetoed by Mrs. Will, who hurls Chevys.

James Hass has a nice snatch.

I'm just sayin'.


James working snatch form from Will Malz on Vimeo.

Will also manages to toss, in his words, "the equivalent of a reasonably-sized man overhead."

He's invited me out to CT for the BBQ, which sounds like a blast. And now he's suggesting something called "hooverball," which sounds so very (1) sexual and (2) gay, I'm all over it.

Oh. Now he explains. That would kill me.

I prefer the gay version.

man crush

Can a gay guy have a man crush? Like a straight guy man crush. As in, straight guys that have a non-sexual, non-romantic love infatuation with another straight guy? That kind of crush.

Can a gay guy have a man crush, or does it just become a "crush"? I'm thinking that we fags have equal access to the non-sexual man crush on other guys.

And I think I'm getting a man crush on Will.

IM this morning:

>ping< Will: We're gonna need a bigger boat
Me: for what Brody?
Will: I just did 3 rounds of deadlift at 425

------I can't fit any more weight on the bar using bumper plates

------So I need to buy some metal plates
Me: awesome
Me: (on phone)
Will: (on meth)
Me: I lost my keys to meth.
-----(I don't suppose you have the ubiquitous PSA campaign we do)
-----"I lost me to meth."
-----it's sort of a punch line here now
Will: nope. although my dad has testified before congress on the catalytic processes involved in making crack, ice, and meth. -----so it's sort of a family specialty, if you will.
Me: Meth like mom used to make.
Will: with a little oregano
Me: i have to leave for the copier now. brb
Will: I will pine for you.
Me: as all should

hulk smash

I've just had my own personal IM with Will. Although I'm thinking he needs a codename now or something. He's like the Man. Or rather, The Man Behind the Curtain. But one of the good guys. And he hate the Patriot Act and subsequent "security" nonsense as much as I do. He told me a story where they called the cops on him because he refused to show ID at the CVS to buy Sudafed. His standard response to bullshit like that is "show me the law." All sorts of cops and homeland security got called. Of course there is no law and the drugstore manager had to eat it. He did have the right not to serve Will, but that would have started a shitstorm of wormsign the likes of which God has never seen.

He sold him the Sudafed.

I love stories like that.

My rage just rises every time I read about a gay or lesbian couple being bullied by security because some bigot complains that they are holding hands or pecked someone on the cheek. (I seem to see these reports a lot.)

Will doesn't even show ID at airports. It's not actually required, and there is federal precedent to back him up. He just has to deal with the ignorant employees who make a dramatic fuss over it before homeland security says "yeah, he's right, let him through."

Now only if he could do something about the Bush administration's War on Moisture.

Still, I find these act of completly law-abiding and yet somehow civil disobedience heartwarming.

It reminds me of past posts (I'll try to find the links later) here and at Boing Boing about over-zealous guards preventing people from taking photos in public places with no authority to do so, but certainly threatening all sorts of action and even physical harm. And often the real cops don't know the law any better and continue the harassment.

I love this: it got to be such an issue in DC that the local FOX news did a story on photographers being harassed by security at the trains station. They were interviewing the Amtrak senior spokesperson in the station, who was adamantly declaring that people are allowed to take photos in the station, when a security guard tried to make them stop filming, even with the Amtrak senior spokesperson saying they could. See the video here.

American ignorance has always been pretty high, and it has been successfully flamed into paranoia. I feel like my country dies a little but every day. More sadly, I feel that it is being murdered by bit every day by its government. But that's a different rant.

I started writing about Will only because he commented on the earlier post.

I mentioned that the guy is of stature, physically, with which he disagrees. I was by no means calling him fat, but in the photos I recall, he's a big guy. This one is more recent:


And seriously, when you're over six feet and can freaking deadlift lift 425 pounds, you are "of stature."


Deadlift - 425x3 from Will Malz on Vimeo.

I would expect no less from a man who would sire Odin.

Will also corrected my misconceptions and is going to try me to get into CrossFit (or Xfit, and the X stands for Jesus).

Lord help me.

If you are interested in this program, Will has a killer crossfit blog over here.

Looks like IM going to CT

As I sometimes post, James and Will instant message (IM) all the time. Will is a big (as in stature) successful software guy James grew up with in CT. Will is like Super Hacker, and is an awesome enough nerd that he named his kid Odin. We've never met, but we crack each other up. Will is also the one who got James into the crazy crossfit thing.

Will is hosting this enormous pig roast in August and now I'm invited.

From James' IM:



James has gotten really serious about the crossfit thing and is now basically built like Spider-man: slim, but nothing but muscle. James sent me this crossfit video clip.



This is basically what James would look like if he ever got out of baggy clothes. Of course, then he'd be a spandexed muscle-douche and I'd have to kick his ass to the Marina. As much as I can stare at this guy on a loop, it does not inspire me to crossfit myself, as the idea is that you push yourself until you're sick.

From a recent IM with James myself:


(Click to embiggen.)

Basically Will is making his boys crossfit, then run a beer mile.

J: I'm going to puke.
Me: I'm going to watch.

things are tough all over

This IM from Will via James (you remember James, the guy with the pubes website).

Will is one of the coolest people I kind of know. He's wicked, wicked smart, and has national security responsibilities and, as I recall, a helipad just in case of national emergency.

This is what is vexing him at the moment:


Love it.

Either I'll design it (you know, in all my free time), or he can check Threadless. (Use my sidebar link and I'll earn points.)